


the irony of it all

by regal_roni



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:40:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26129680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regal_roni/pseuds/regal_roni
Summary: Two years apart and all it takes is being in her presence for all the feelings you’ve been trying to keep buried to come flying back.(OR Seeing Jack for the first time after she left and moved to D.C.)
Relationships: Jacqueline "Jack" Sloane/Reader
Comments: 7
Kudos: 33





	the irony of it all

**Author's Note:**

> "It'll be a while before I post again." She says and then proceeds to post another fic literally five days later! 
> 
> I'm actually pretty proud how this one turned out. I started writing this before the rumours that Maria is leaving surfaced and lowkey feeling like I jinxed it ahaha. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading! And I hope you enjoy!

Jack enters the bullpen with her trademark grin, not at all surprised to see the whole team steadily typing away at their computers. Ellie’s the first to acknowledge her presence, her shoulders slumping in relief at the chance for a distraction. “Afternoon, Jack. Need anything?” The hope in Ellie’s voice has Jack trying to withhold her smirk. It wasn’t hard to work out who’d been tasked with sifting through the financial records. 

“Afternoon. Just here to see if Tim has got the file from the FBI yet. I’d love to take a look.” Jack claps her hands and turns to face Tim. Ellie pouts and with obvious reluctance returns her focus to her computer. 

“Apparently,” Jack’s lips twitch with humour at Tim’s clear frustration and eye roll as he looks up at her. “It includes sensitive information and requires an in-person briefing.” 

“You aren’t convinced, obviously.” 

“The only information I could get from the Agent over the phone was that it was a robbery case, and in my experience, they are never _that_ sensitive. She’s on her way from Quantico but considering I called this morning she doesn’t seem in any rush to get here even though I told her our case was time-sensitive.” 

Jack frowns. “That is odd. Do you know the agent?” 

Tim shakes his head, looking to his computer. “FBI Agent Y/N L/N. None of us has heard of her.” Tim looks back to Jack with a shrug. His brows furrowing when he takes note of the way her face has paled considerably. “But I’m guessing from the look on your face, you do?” 

That earns the attention of the rest of the team, but Jack doesn’t notice, too concerned with trying to regain control of her racing heart. It’s been over two years since she last spoke to you, there’s no way her body should still be betraying her like this. Gibbs places a hand lightly on her arm, jolting her back to the present.

“You okay, Jack?” 

Jack coughs, clearing the lump in her throat. “Hmm, yeah. Just haven’t heard the name in a while, that’s all. You said she’s coming here?” She directs her attention back to Tim, keeping her voice airy as her feet shift beneath her and she resists her sudden urge to flee the room and not return until you were far, far away from the Navy Yard. You were the last person Jack expected to see in D.C. The last she’d heard you were still over two thousand miles away in San Diego.

Tim’s phone rings as if on cue, and Jack just knows it’s going to be someone downstairs informing him that you’ve arrived. Jack’s eyes flick up in the direction of her office, and Gibbs snorts with obvious amusement. Her lips squish into a thin line as she resists the urge to purse them in frustration. 

“Friend of yours?” 

‘Friend’ would never be a good enough word to describe what the two of you were, but there wasn’t a better one because how else do you describe an ‘almost’. Neither one of you had taken the jump towards becoming girlfriends, or lovers, or whatever. Jack had been getting close, was thinking about finally taking that step but then Leon had called and asked her to move to D.C. and everything had changed. 

Jack still remembers the bitter edge to your voice when she’d told you. “I mean Leon’s been hinting for years that you should move to D.C., seems right he’d eventually ask outright, and it’s not like you’d ever say no to him.” It had been more than a low blow; it’d been cruel considering you knew about Afghanistan. You’d apologised later that evening, but it still stung. Jack couldn’t say no to Leon, not when she had such a huge debt to fill, and still did. 

“She used to be.” Gibbs is waiting for more, but even if she wanted to say anything, she would have no idea how to even begin to describe what had happened between the two of you.

—— 2 ½ years ago ——

The night before Jack leaves for D.C. you both sit on the beach watching the sky as it fills with bright yellows and oranges, taking turns sipping from the bottle of wine you know she’d been saving for a special occasion. You suppose this is a special occasion. She’d told you six weeks ago, and it still didn’t feel true. Your best friend, who let’s be honest, you were very much in love with, was moving across the country for a job in D.C. all because of Leon fucking Vance. He’s the one who introduced you to each other a few years ago when he’d visited California, go figure he’d be the one to take her away too. You swallow down your anger and try to focus on Jack instead. You could be angry when she was gone, at least you’d finally start using your gym membership properly again.

“Are you excited to meet the legendary Leroy Jethro Gibbs?” You smirk, voice full of mirth as you accept the outstretched bottle of wine and take a sip. His reputation had reached the FBI a long time ago. When you’d joined it was to hear stories of the grey-haired, blue-eyed steely agent who’d shot an FBI Agent in the ass. You didn’t quite believe it but the stories since had only got wilder. 

Jack snorts. “Hmm, yeah I don’t know how that’s going to go.” 

“If Leon keeps him around, I’m sure he can’t be too bad.” You offer. Jack huffs, grabbing the wine bottle back from you. Her fingers brush yours, a soft smile taking over her face that has you quickly averting your gaze and trying to ignore the way your heart ached. “I mean he kept you around though, so that’s not saying much.” 

“Hey!” Jack slaps you on the arm, breaking into laughter when you release a dramatic _‘Ow!’_ You take one look at her and immediately follow. Her head tips back, blonde hair falling way past her shoulder. It’s wavy and slightly knotted from your walk across the beach but still beautiful. She is always beautiful. Your heart cracks, laughter dying out as you take her in, etching her face into your memory – the wrinkles by her eyes, her practically perfect smile, and the beautiful whiskey brown of her eyes. You try to remind yourself that this wasn’t goodbye, but it felt like it because even if you still spoke, you guys wouldn’t be the same, you couldn’t be. 

Jack notices you’re no longer laughing, and her bright smile fades away. She reaches out, squeezing your hand. And you think about it; finally planting that kiss on her lips like you’ve fantasised about for longer then you care to admit. She’d kiss you back and you would more than likely end up back at one of your apartments, but you decide in the end it’s not worth it, it’s better not knowing. It would hurt less than waking up in the morning in her arms knowing it could never work. Other sides of the country, her at NCIS and you at the FBI, there was just no way. 

You pull your hand from hers and return your attention back to the ocean, taking another long glug of wine. “You know, of all the possibilities I’ve dreamed up in my mind over the years, you leaving” _me_ “the beach didn’t even cross my mind.” 

“Y/N,” Jack breathes, the ache in her voice has you shutting your eyes. Sometimes you hated how good she was at working out what you weren’t saying. She reaches out for your hand again, but you shrug her off and move to stand up. This was all too much.

“Look, I should get going.” 

“Wait, No, no, no.” Jack drops the wine bottle to the floor, quickly scrambling up and grabbing you by your wrists before you can take more than a couple steps away. “Come on, this is our last evening together.” 

“I know, but I can’t. I can’t sit here and pretend I’m fine with you leaving when all I want to do is be incredibly selfish and ask you to stay.” The words spill from your mouth without your permission and your eyes flick upwards as you blink away the tears threatening to break free. You wouldn’t cry. 

Jack’s mouth falls open, her eyes filling with her own unshed tears as she drops your wrist. “Y/N... You know I can’t.” 

“But that’s the thing Jack, you could if you really wanted to.” It’s what hurts the most, that there was at least some part of her that obviously wanted to go. You were being childish and selfish when you should be being supportive, but you couldn’t help it. Not when you were so angry at yourself for never taking the step towards more because if you had maybe things would be different now.

There’d been an air of possibility between the two of you for months, years, and you had thought there was time, that there was no rush and when the time was right one of you would finally make the move, but now you’re out of time and she’s moving across the country and you don’t want to be sad so instead you’ll cling to your anger and hope she can’t tell she’s breaking your heart. 

“We aren’t...we’re just friends, nothing ever happened. You can’t expect me to stay for a maybe.”

“I know.” You sigh, running a tired hand over your face. “I know that.” _I just want to be enough. I want you to want me, to choose me._ “As I said, I should go. I’m just going to end up saying something that’ll hurt us both and I don’t want to do that.” 

“Okay,” Jack says, voice hoarse with emotions. “Okay.” before you can so much as move Jack’s pulling you into her arms, arms wrapped tightly around you. You hesitate but with a tired sigh, drop your head to her shoulder and pull her in closer. You breathe her in, sea salt and vanilla...you were going to miss that smell. Tears sting your eyes. You really hate goodbyes. 

With a sniff, Jack pulls back, only far enough so you have to lift your head to look at her, she cups your cheek and you lean into the touch. “Don’t be a stranger, okay? Phone calls, FaceTime. We can still do friendship.” A hint of desperation seeps into her voice as she rests her forehead against yours, breathing you in like you had her moments before. “I don’t want to lose you.” 

“We’ll be okay.” You didn’t believe it, but you couldn’t help but try to ease her worry, not when she was looking at you with such sad eyes. You lean in and press a peck to her cheek, and before you can pull back, Jack turns her head and captures your lips with hers, her hand tightening on your cheek to stop you from pulling away. As if you ever would.

Your hands grip her hips to cover up how they’re beginning to tremble and your eyes remain gripped tightly shut as your lips brush together, painstakingly softly as if one of you were any harder either of you might break. Jack’s lips quiver and tears finally begin to fall down your cheeks. 

You were right in thinking it would be best not to know. 

Jack pulls back with a shaky breath. You quickly wipe at your eyes, voice raspy with emotion. “Bye, Jack.” 

“Goodbye, Y/N.” With a sigh and one last squeeze to your hand, Jack steps back. You turn and walk away, not allowing yourself to look back at the woman who’d just snapped your heart in two, no matter how much you wanted too.

—— Present Day ——

“She won’t be there.” You repeat under your breath for probably the tenth time since you had stepped onto the elevator, ignoring the looks from the NCIS agent next to you as you try to control your rising panic. The Navy Yard was a big place, and there was no guarantee she was even in the building.

The doors ding open, and you hold your head high as you exit. You haven’t taken more than a few steps when you find her. Her back is to you but there’s no doubt in your mind that it’s Jack. Your feet halt in their tracks, your breath instantly fleeing your lungs. 

Jack’s shoulders tense and she slowly turns to look at you. Her jaw locked tightly shut, her brown eyes a storm of emotions. It’s overwhelming. You take her in, two and a half years and apart from the shorter hair and her missing necklace she looks exactly the same. You itch to touch her. 

“Hey, Jack.” You breathe, desperately trying to keep your emotions in check. Anger flashes through her face. The hand resting on her arm tightening slightly, the man who must be Gibbs looking at her with a mix of concern and trepidation. Jack relaxes slightly and it has your gut in turmoil. She pats his hand but doesn’t drop your gaze, Gibbs lets go. 

“D.C.?” Jack arches a brow, clearly unimpressed that you’re here. 

“Yeah, couldn’t quite believe Davis when he offered me the job only to tell me it would be at Quantico.” Cosmic irony at its finest. You’d thrown yourself into your work after Jack left and when your boss had finally offered you the promotion you’d been working your whole career towards only to tell you you’d be less than an hour away from the woman you’d been trying to avoid thinking about you didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. 

You’d been on the east coast for about five months now and you’d thought a lot about reaching out but just didn’t know how. You didn’t think your _‘Hey Jack, I know I ghosted you after you went to D.C., but I’m here and still hopelessly in love with you, wanna grab a coffee?’_ would go down very well. 

“It was about time he realised you deserved your own team,” Jack smirks, her anger still present but slightly subdued, and your heart threatens to break free from your chest as you nod. You couldn’t put into words just how much you’d missed her. If you weren’t in a room full of strangers, and half sure she’d push you away, you would have already thrown yourself into her arms. 

Someone clears their throat, effectively breaking your prolonged eye contact and Jack turns her attention to the man with a goatee before looking back at you. “Right. Uh, Tim, this is Y/N, sorry I mean Agent L/N, and Y/N this is Agent McGee. I believe you spoke on the phone.” You make your way further into the room, keeping a wide berth on Jack who mutters under her breath when you pass. “Guess she finally regained the ability to use it.” You pretend you don’t hear as you move to shake McGee’s hand. 

“It’s a pleasure. Should we get right down to business?” 

“Fine by me.” McGee smiles but you can tell he’s uncomfortable with this whole situation. “If you follow me, you can set up in one of our conference rooms.” You fall in step behind him, steadily avoiding looking at Jack, or Gibbs, who hadn’t stopped watching you since you’d stepped off the elevator. 

“Guess we know why this case required an in-person briefing huh, someone wanted a reunion.” The other male agent whispers from behind you. You don’t need to turn around to know Jack will be glaring at him. “I was joking...kind of.” 

The case really did require a briefing. You’d contemplated sending one of your agents but as lead agent on the case, it would be more suspicious if you weren’t the one who came. Not to mention it would be cowardly as hell. 

You spend the next hour explaining your case and answering questions from everyone. Agent Bishop asks a few, her eyes trained on you in a calculating way that has you feeling very uncomfortable. The other agent who’d introduced himself as Torres was doing a terrible job of shooting subtle glances between you and Jack. Her eyes were fixed on a spot beside your head instead of actually on you, and you were doing everything to just completely avoid looking in her direction (which was difficult considering Bishop was next to her and was asking the most questions). 

“Any more questions?” 

“I think we’re good,” McGee says, looking at everyone who all nod along in agreement. 

You nod your head, swallowing roughly. You look at Jack whose eyes remain fixed to the wall, and then look back to the rest of the team. They luckily all get the message that you want to talk and with a few interested looks, all leave the room, well apart from Gibbs who stands up but remains a few steps behind Jack. You barely contain your eye roll at his protective stance. As if Jack needed protecting from anyone. 

Jack looks at him with a soft smile. “It’s fine. Go work the case.” Gibbs nods sharply, sending you one more untrustworthy look before stepping back and making his way from the room. The sound of the door shutting rings out loudly into the silence of the room. 

“Well, he’s protective.” 

Jack finally looks at you, her eyes full of fire. “Don’t you dare! You have no right to come in here and make comments or judgements about things you don’t understand.” She stands up as she talks, pointing a frustrated finger at you while still keeping the distance of the table between you.

“I’m not judging it was just an observation.” 

Jack scoffs. “Right.” 

“Look, I don’t want to argue with you.”

“Yeah, well what the hell do you want?”

Sighing, you shake your head and sit down. That was the million-dollar question, and you hadn’t got the slightest idea on a decent answer. “I wanted to call…”

“When? When you moved to D.C. or two and a half years ago?” 

“Jack…”

“No, seriously. What happened to staying in contact, to being friends?” 

“Are you kidding me?” Your eyes widen in disbelief, and you return to your standing position. “You kissed me is what happened. You kissed me and then you left and my heart broke!” You hope Jack doesn’t catch the way your voice cracks as all the emotions you’ve tried to pack away make themselves known. “I wanted to answer your calls, I did.” The few times she phoned after her move you’d just stared at it as it rang. Unable to get yourself to move or answer. “But I couldn’t sit on the phone and pretend everything was fine.”

“I wasn’t asking you too.”

“But you were. You wanted a friend, and I couldn’t be that. I was in love with you, Jack. You left and I just...I couldn’t.” Jack’s eyes water, and she quickly averts her gaze, arms held tightly across her chest. You take a step around the table and when Jack doesn’t immediately step back you continue, stopping only once you were standing beside Jack who still hadn’t turned to look at you. You sigh, speaking softly. Your hand itches to reach out and touch her but you refrain. It was already overwhelming being this close to her again. “I tried contacting you when I found out about Hakim. I wanted to jump on a plane, but I was in the middle of a case and by the time that was over Leon was back. You never responded, so I just assumed you didn’t want anything to do with me.” 

Jack sniffs and doesn’t turn to look at you as she speaks. “The second I heard your voice I would have cracked. I needed to stay focused, to find Leon, I didn’t have time to break down.” 

“But did you afterwards? I noticed you’re no longer wearing your necklace.” Jack’s hand goes to her neck, fingers fiddling with the dainty gold chain. 

“I’m doing better.” She says, finally turning to look at you. Her eyes are so sad it makes your breath catch. You don’t think as you reach out and squeeze her hand. Jack looks at it in surprise but doesn’t snatch away from your touch. 

“That’s good. I’m happy for you, Jack. You’ve got a great team. It’s clear to anyone with eyes how much they care about you. Bishop wouldn’t stop sending me looks and Gibbs was ready to drag me out the building.” You huff, and Jack’s lips twitch in amusement.

“They’re good people.” 

Nodding, you finally let go of her hand. You were really glad she’d found her people. You just wished you were one of them still. 

“How about you? How are you?” 

Your small smile wobbles. “I’m good. You know, I’ve got work, and my team are good. Still getting to know them but we work well together.” You shrug, doing a bad job of hiding just how lonely you were. Even when you’d been in San Diego all your relationships had suffered. You’d basically breathed work in an attempt to distract yourself from your broken heart. It’d been Izzy who’d eventually dragged you on a night out and reminded you that you needed to find life outside of work. 

You’d started dating again, were actually in a relationship that was going well, but then Hakim had happened, and you hadn’t been able to think of anything but Jack so that had all fallen apart. 

And now you’re on the east coast. Sure, you’d made new friends, but you hardly saw any of them outside of work which was leaving your life a little empty. 

“Y/N…” Jack says sadly, and your gut churns. She reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, and your heart _aches._ Your eyes fall shut as you bask in her touch. “I’ve missed you.” 

Tears instantly spring to your eyes and you don’t think as you tug her closer for a hug, burying your head into her shoulder. Jack wraps an arm around you, the other coming to rest on your head. The smell of sea salt that you had always associated with her was gone, but the vanilla was still there, and you breathed it in. “I’ve missed you too.”

You both stand like that for too long, but you couldn’t let go. There was an overwhelming fear that the second you let go and left the room you would never get to see her again, that she wouldn’t want anything to do with you. She’d found a better life, had more than likely moved on. It wasn’t her fault that you hadn’t been able to shake your feelings. She was it for you. She was everything. And you didn’t think you could let her go again, not when you could finally breathe for the first time in over two years. 

Tears begin to trickle down your cheeks, staining Jack’s shirt, and you hate yourself for letting them out. She shouldn’t have to see just how not okay you were. She’d always made you weak though, a smile, a touch, a look, and suddenly you were defenceless. 

Jack’s hand moves from your head, as she pulls back slightly, prompting you to lift your chin and look at her. Her eyes are so unbelievably soft, and you quickly begin to wipe at your cheeks, embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Jack says, voice hoarse with her own emotions. “I still think about that night and wonder what would have happened if I stayed. I don’t regret my choice” She couldn’t, not when she had a team that were family and was finally building a relationship with her daughter. Jack runs her thumb over your cheek, fascinated with how your eyelids flutter shut. “but I do regret hurting you. I regret that we never got a chance to be an ‘us’ because I think we would have been pretty amazing.”

Swallowing roughly, you open your eyes and your breath instantly catches when you see what you can only describe as love staring back at you. Her earlier words sting slightly, but she looks so much happier and calmer that you aren’t really upset because if anyone deserved happiness it was Jacqueline Sloane. Your voice is wistful as you speak. “I think we would have been too.” 

“Maybe we still can be.” She says in a hushed whisper, and your heart promptly starts thumping in your chest because she couldn’t possibly mean- “If that’s something you’re still interested in, of course. I know it’s been years but I still lo-care for you. We could do dinner, there’s this place that Ellie’s been telling me I should check out, apparently they do delicious pasta dishes.” A smile brightens up your face as Jack nervously rambles on, your heart hadn’t stopped thumping and you were half tempted to pinch yourself in case this was all just some wild fever dream. 

“I-I’d like that.” You manage to stumble out, halting Jack’s ramble. She deflates, nerves warded off as she bites her lip in attempt to control the grin attempting to break free.

“Really?” Jack’s thumb brushes your cheek again, and you let yourself lean into the pressure. 

“Yeah.”

“Tonight? If the case doesn’t get in the way.” 

“Tonight.” You agree, wide smiles break out on both your faces and hell, you’d really missed her smile. Two and a half years, five since you’d met, and nothing in the world would ever compare to that smile. 

Guess not being a coward paid off.


End file.
